Going after a summer associate? Universally prohibited.

Two associates dating? Usually okay.

A partner and an associate becoming involved? Frowned upon, but sometimes allowed.

Exactly where that line falls varies. For two major law firms, a viral TikTok video showing a Wachtell, Lipton, Rosen & Katz partner kissing an associate from the firm on a bench in New York's Central ​Park was too much. Wachtell put him on leave, and Gibson, Dunn & Crutcher rescinded an offer to join the firm as part of a group hire from Wachtell because of a policy that strictly prohibits romantic ‌entanglements between any partner and associate, according to people familiar with the matter.

A Wachtell spokesperson did not respond to a request for comment.

The very public incident, first reported by the Financial Times, was followed days later by a New York Post report that two other litigation partners from Wall Street powerhouse Wachtell who left for Gibson Dunn, one of the nation's highest-grossing firms, had also been dating each other. Their move, however, went forward.

Behind all the gossip lies a serious question: How do law firms handle workplace romance? My main takeaway from calls with HR experts, labor and employment lawyers and law firm partners is ​that while law firms don't welcome relationships, most tolerate them, if the couples come forward. Like most things in life, it's secrecy that can become the problem.

OFFICE RELATIONSHIPS ARE INEVITABLE

Lawyers spend so much time at work that it may be ​no surprise they find romantic partners there, too. “The problem with lawyers, I would say, is that we don’t generally have a whole lot of life outside of work,” said Kate Bischoff, an ⁠employment attorney and HR consultant who has both seen relationships within firms where she’s worked and advised firms on how to handle them.

Late nights in the office closing deals or finishing briefs on deadline are the TV and movie cliche of blossoming romances for a reason.

“It’s ​unavoidable, but you never celebrate this,” said Keith Wetmore, the former longtime chairman of Morrison & Foerster, who is now a legal recruiter. Wetmore said he had to deal with a couple instances a year of office relationships, which he called a “no-win situation for firms” no ​matter how they were managed.

Wetmore recalled that back in the 1970s and 1980s, the disclosure or discovery of a relationship meant one of the two people had to leave the firm. “It didn’t play out well,” he said, because it was typically the more junior person, often the woman, who had to go. As wrongful termination laws evolved, and pushing someone out exposed a firm to liability, those policies stopped.

These days, firms try to gird for potential fallout. If a relationship sours, they want to make sure employees are protected and the firm isn't exposed to claims of harassment or retaliation.

DISCLOSURE CAN PREVENT SCANDAL

The ​biggest variable people mentioned is whether law firm leaders are told about relationships or get caught blindsided. This matters most when someone is dating a subordinate.

“Firms can manage almost any situation when they know about it upfront," said Julie Henson, whose work vetting lateral ​candidates at legal intelligence firm Decipher sometimes uncovers office relationships. "It’s the surprises that create the challenges."

Beyond the risk that a relationship could lead to harassment claims if it ends badly, firms also face potential complaints from colleagues who believe the romance created conflicts, favoritism or a hostile work ‌environment, employment lawyers ⁠said.

Unlike Gibson Dunn, most large law firms don't have an outright ban on partner-associate relationships, according to partners at several firms and HR experts.

In many firms, if those involved disclose a relationship early on, the firm will work with the pair to reassign someone (usually the lower-ranked employee) so they aren’t being overseen in any way by their romantic partner.

“You have to try and restructure as best you can the reporting relationships and working relationships so you insulate the firm from liability,” Wetmore said.

When leaders find out about relationships in other ways, “They tend to get real mad,” said Laurie Ruettimann, an HR consultant in North Carolina. In the case of a partner dating an associate, she said, the firm is likely to lose trust in the partner. The associate, meanwhile, can be viewed as someone with bad ​judgment and others may question whether they deserve work assignments and ​promotions they receive. “There is very rarely an opportunity to ⁠recover,” Ruettimann said.

POWER DYNAMICS MATTER

While some people, including Ruettimann, believe consenting adults know what they’re doing when they choose to date at work, others say that relationships between employees with unequal power can create issues for both the individuals involved and the firm.

“There’s always a risk when there’s a difference in power dynamic,” said Bischoff. Even if you’re in a consenting relationship, “As an associate, the partner is ​in control of your career.”

The #MeToo movement, which gained momentum in 2017, focused attention on abuses of power in the workplace. HR consultants said that for a time, law firms and other ​businesses responded with closer scrutiny of office ⁠relationships.

Firms and companies increased sexual harassment training and sometimes invoked "love contracts," which require employees who are dating to acknowledge the relationships are consensual.

Bischoff said it made sense to her that in the Wachtell situation, the partner in the pair caught kissing was the one placed on administrative leave, rather than the associate. Such leaves are usually quick, Bischoff said, and give firms time to assess what to do.

FOR RAINMAKERS, POLICIES VARY

HR consultants and law firm partners I spoke to said that while technically any policy should apply across the board, law firms have a tendency to ⁠be more lenient ​when a powerful moneymaker is involved. Henson, with Decipher, said she's seen firms loosen policies when a respected leader finds themselves in a relationship. "They have empathy ​for that situation," she said.

In his decades of consulting law firms, Peter Zeughauser said he’s seen plenty of firms where the office-romance culture comes from the very top.

“There are many people in firms who I think disapprove of it but don’t think there’s much they can do about it,” Zeughauser said. “And there are powerful partners ​who think they can do whatever they want.”

I reached out to 10 big firms to see if any would chime in on their office romance policies, thinking some may be open to touting policies that keep lawyers focused on their work.

None responded.